The Pleasure of Having Friends for Dinner

No, I didn't eat them

I don’t entertain often. I dislike large parties in general, and I enjoy the refuge of my home as a private space. But I was reminded this past week of the pleasure of having a few close friends over for dinner.

Photo by Kelsey Chance on Unsplash

Tasks that are usually chores become fun when they are done with the purpose of pleasing people you love. Planning a meal with their food preferences in mind, making the shopping list and buying the groceries, setting a pretty table, baking and chopping and sautéing and simmering—all brought me a quiet joy.

I know that for many people these are daily tasks, and finding pleasure in this sort of work is not so easy when you have family members yelling “What’s for dinner?” from the next room. But I have the great privilege of living alone. While I cook for myself almost every day, turning my focus to pleasing friends altered my perspective. I was not just making dinner; I was making a gift. And the process of making that gift was in turn a gift to myself.

Photo by krakenimages on Unsplash

We’re all busy. Oftentimes, all we can manage is to meet up at a restaurant or coffee shop. But the intimacy of serving dinner to a few friends at home changes the conversation. We’re more relaxed, more personal. It becomes a special occasion where no one needs to dress up or put on lipstick, and no one refuses dessert. At home, I am more myself. I think my friends become more themselves as well. And revealing ourselves to each other in this way deepens the connection we share.

If you’re interested, here is what I served:

• Red wine and roasted cashews on arrival, plus a frosted glass in the freezer for the one who prefers beer and knows to bring her own.

• Braised canelli beans with kale and fennel topped with slices of smoked sausage, with warm sourdough bread on the side.

• Gingerbread cake with brown butter bourbon ice cream.

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The connections between women are at the heart of the book I want to share with you this week. Girl, Woman, Other by Bernardine Evaristo was the winner of the 2019 Booker Prize. I’m not sure how it escaped my attention until now. I’m so glad to have read it.

This is a novel with an unusual narrative structure. It is not one story, but twelve. We meet twelve interconnected Black women in England. Not only do we see them through their relationships to each other, each woman tells her own story, allowing us to see a bit of the road that led her to who she is now. This book is a beautiful reminder that each of us has our own dreams, our own desires, and our own disappointments. The persona we allow the world to see is often a carefully-tended shield protecting the deep, tender places at our core.

This novel is wonderfully written, full of humor and compassion. The diverse voices and circumstances of the characters are entirely believable and engaging. I read it as an audiobook, and the narrator did a beautiful job of making each character distinct without resorting to caricature. Girl, Woman, Other is well worth your time.

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Some things that caught my eye

• I love reality TV competition shows where tremendously skilled people are allowed to do their thing. My current crush is a British series called Portrait Artist of the Year, available to stream on Amazon Prime. In each episode, amateur and professional artists are brought together, given a celebrity sitter, and asked to create a portrait in 4 hours. A winner is selected by expert judges to continue in the competition.
  The broad range of media and the wildly diverse styles of the artists keep the show from becoming repetitive. There are eight seasons currently available, so if you’re looking for a family-friendly binge for the holidays, you won’t go wrong with this one.

• Pantone has announced their 2024 Color of the Year (cue fanfare), and it’s Fuzzy Peach. While I don’t dislike the color, it’s not one I’ll be adding to my wardrobe anytime soon. This color feels to me like bathroom towels or old-lady make-up.
  I always find it interesting to look at the color palettes Pantone suggests along with the Color of the Year. In looking at the palettes built around Fuzzy Peach, I find the color alarmingly fleshy when it bumps up against some of the other colors. Remember when the big box of Crayola crayons included one labeled “flesh”? The name of the color was changed to “peach” in 1962.

What do you think of Fuzzy Peach? Are you excited to see more of this color in the world in 2024? What color would you have chosen as your personal color of the year? Hit the Comment button and tell me about it!